Devastated

Devastated

simply saying this word

could be the only one word

to describe what I've been

After the downs and blues from previous test

I thought it will be another good turning point

to keep on chasing pavements

but with all the unexpected things coming in

adding insults to injuries

the things get more complicated

and guess what

the best part is

I don't even realized it

until when I started reviewing back the whole plot

Oh God

What have I done?

I just started realize that

life really has one initial point

and the things go on with the choices we made

including those bad paths we've taken

it kinda building myself  up

I always say to myself that

I'm the one and only

I am who I am

no one can bring me down

or try to change me

and it should be the way of life

you don't go around and say I'm out of my mind

just because I don't go according to you

This is myself

This is me

don't ever try to take it away from me

if that makes me a bitchy person

(Well, who cares?)

cause this is my life

this is my choice

I guess haters going to hate me

and I don't live under you

so why do I care so much

maybe the compassion towards you

please don't waste your precious time

cause you know

you're not worth it to me

and to the people who I still love and care about

don't worry

I'm still me

just the alter ego of me

still controlling me

trying to CATCH MY BREATH

anyway

I'm funked to the deepest hole again

and devastated

and no worry

it just temporary

as usual

just the alter ego of me

 Cheers anyway ^^

Mid-Sem Break

It's mid-semester break 

still stuck in college

doing nothing

but study and online

(the wi-fi super duper fast )

thinking of going back to Klang soon

then got a call from my mom

saying that my room is a temporary storeroom

so that's why still stuck here in UPM

When the mid-sem break ends

then begins another waves of nightmare

the Test II and assignments submission periods

so many things have been postponed

wait a minute !!!

there's another upcoming college events next week

it makes things even worse 

so many things to be done by next week

it's going to be another week of deadly hell

talking about the camp we organised for 

our college Chinese juniors

it's fun

and the same it's tiring

though the preparation itself started last semester

but at the end of the day

everyone

even the exhausted committee

put on a big smile on their face

it's done

finally we can put an end

and focus on the next thing

looking back at the test I result

it is rather disappointing

cause most of the papers are not up to my expectations

kinda sad

and motivates me to do better

cause I guess I have nothing to lose anymore

a few points to say bye bye to my scholarship

Hell to the N-O no

need to work hard

add more oil

knowing that it is harder than before

and still hardly to find mood to study harder

guess this is the only way to motivate myself

Raining~~

It has been raining 

for a few days

kinda good thing

as it is the perfect weather to get some beauty sleep

but it doesn't happen to us

(probably me)

cause I'm indulging myself in the insane busyness

you'll probably see this over and over again in my blog

but the truth is

I'm always busy

even I'm in the exam season

or even in a relationship

or even I'm sick

or maybe stuck in the traffic jam

Hey, do I need to take a break?

Yes, I do

but looking back on the route that I've taken

it's never a relax or free moment 

that lasted a month

Sometimes I do questioning myself 

"Am I born to work like cow??"

Likewise I always envy people who are carefree

maybe they are busy with personal life

or perhaps more exam-oriented

but when I imagine myself in their shoes

I'm scared and worried

cause it doesn't seems to fit me

I guess I need to build up myself through this hardship

unstoppable hardship

I'm writing this

while looking at the rain pour

it reminded me some of the songs like

Singing in the Rain 

mashing up with

 Umbrella

It's a joyful song with nice melody

imagine dancing with the people you really love

with those sacred promises

and the sweet chat 

and the bubbles of happiness floating in the air

and suddenly

 Let It Rain

what a heartbreak song

it started spinning in my head

but got over kinda quick

cause it's not in my current feelings' playlist

but is a great song though

and here comes the song

Unwritten

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

a song that embraces freedom

just me, myself and I

great song that relaxes myself

of course there are more songs that are keep playing in my head

and I keep hitting repe-pe-pe-pe-pe-peat~~