The Hardest Phase

Everyone knows that time and tide wait for no man. But as the year end approaches, there's so much to achieve and so much to be done. Not sure what can be done though. Currently, I'm living with so much anxiety and pressure. Ranging form research works to relationship issue, everything just accumulates and leads to higher pressure. So many stuffs are going on my mind, so much so that it started to affect my attitude somehow. 

While working on my research, I delve into other stuff. Or at least look up for other ventures.  Tuition or education jobs really draw most of my attention. I've been seeking better opportunities here and there including lecturing jobs. It's imperative as I need to figure my future out. If everything's went right, I should have probably back on track to my PhD. But then, the darkness has cloaked this path, and thus a revamp is essential. 

The next big venture is about being a book author. For starter, it's not gonna be about my autobiography. Probably start with reference book author, Then, once I get the hands on the work, more and more stuff can be written. Those wild fantasy in my mind finally gets their public appearance soon. But, everything needs to be slow and steady. The offset of everything might overwhelm myself. 

Hopefully everything goes well with the final 11 days of 2016. 

Though I'm still upset that Saara didn't win The X Factor 2016

or Kelly being eliminated early in I Supermodel 2016

or probably last episode of Scream Queen or AHS

 

You know what, I'm a survivor. I'm the captain of my own fate. 

ANTM 23 Cherish

The 8th Month

Soon, we are facing the end of August. In a blink of an eye, we are heading towards end of 2016. Honestly, I have achieved nothing great or something to proud of in the past 8 months. That's not a good sign though. Though all my life craving for a better life, the balance always seems off. Not to complain, but everything seems to hit the roadblocks and obstacles. That's super discouraging. 

Sigh, what am I doing so far? Kicking 2016 with research in the day, tutoring at the night seems alright. We all know if everything went too smoothly, something bound to happen. The worst thing is you have no f***ing idea it happens or ongoing. By the time you start realising the truth, you have wasted so much time on doing unnecessary stuff. 

Motivation and self-discipline are two co-dependent things you need for survival, especially you've chosen your path in research. Unfortunately, they do not come by often when I start to dedicate more time for tuition. Plus, addiction to social media really put me in a bad position. I have been procrastinating since I don't know when. That's really awful! It makes you a lazier and loss of passion. It does make me feel less passionate as compared to where I started. 

And  again, just like any relationship, you need to reminisce the reason why you have started all these. You are doing these for a cause and not just for fun. You have some people who are hoping you to succeed and backing you up. Thus no more turning back, cause you are now on the way for a better place. 

Toying with these thoughts in my mind seems to be so complex. But I pledged to myself to reach to the peak. I'm not young anymore and I can't to take the world by storm. Determination and strong-will are the keys. Hopefully everything turns out alright.   

July Entry

If I were asked to summarise my life, I would say "Pretty complicated". 

That's two words pretty much sum up my 2016 so far. There are two ways to look it aka the Bright side and the Dark side (aka cliche AF).

The bright side, I'm 40% done with my master research. If there's no any problem in the next part, I should probably done it by end of this year (hopefully and rightfully). What a ride! 

To sustain my life, I choose to teach instead of direct selling or sell insurance. Teaching is fun. It is fruitful especially when your beloved students get good results (cliche AF again). The satisfaction level is unbeatable. Apart from that, you get a better recognition in a way, and of course, increase your god-damn reputation. 

The thing is, I tend to shift my attention more towards to tuition instead of my master. Some of my friends, as usual, likes to mock me. Well, (brush of the dust from my shoulder), I don't really give a Fish about what they think. 

But a word of encouragement might help. So it's super discouraging when people are comparing the lush life they have or the misery they ended with. Usually, my research thing will not be brought up as a topic, in which you can talk for hours, thus it creates the hollow space among the high and rise hot topics. 

(Usually I'll smile it away and try to cut in if possible). 

That's the dark side though. Lack of encouragement is one thing, it gets you really work your ass off just so that you can have at least something to proud of. That's a serious issue of dignity though.

I mean, seriously, I don't think many people are proud to have friends pursuing postgraduate programmes, unless you are in the programme. What I've observed is these people treat the "postgrad nerd" as a measure. 

For instance, XXX earns this much. When she compared to YYY who is doing master, she feels great by saying "You dunno one la, you still in uni, you won't understand bla bla bla....". I'm not sure how she feels later on, but I bet there's a sigh of relief liberated from her thoughts.

Well, I just wanna break free from this mess. I hate the nonsense and negativity in my life. As long as I live, I'm gonna take them down (somehow). And see who's laughing later. 

Kill em Kill em !!

Hatred-inspired

"Is it dead? "

"Nope. Definitely not."

"Then?"

"Just being lazy, I guess."

That's basically sum up my inner monologue, when I think about writing a blog post. Yass. It's definitely not a daunting job as compared to teaching or researching. Still, there exists a struggle between the willingness to write with the time management. 

It's been a year since I'd graduated from my degree program. Call it an achievement, I prefer to call it a milestone. Or simply just another tick in everybody's 'Things U do B4 U die' list. The gap between graduation's date and today's date is rather short. Somehow it becomes a measure of success. Regardless what you have achieved at this point, people tend to peek into other's life, dig up some details and hence competition is created eventually. 

Well, being a postgraduate student (I know, I know, I've stressed it so many times, but I DON'T CARE, I LOVE IT), seeing people surrounding me, whether I like it or not, they are just fighting and competing. I don't mind you share your glorious insights with me, cause I just put on my best face and smile it away.

                                         

I applaud you for the greatest achievement you have attained. 

I pity you for any disaster or stupid cat fight that fall on you.

Oh, what a wonderful life. 

Oh, what a shitty life.

Man, I'm so good at these,  

Well, next thing I wake up in the morning, you still do you, and me still do me.

So no intersection point, and hence I consider ourselves as parallel lines.  

But some people, or irrelevant people, like to diminish other people's life. 

"Do research, where got stress?"

"You don't know outside world one la, stuck in the uni forever."

"You don't understand our working life stress. "

I know doing master and PhD aren't your thing.

But bitch please, don't assume you are the only one with super high stress, 

I get it, you have peer pressure, OT stress, boss pressure etc.

Well, everyone gets it. 

Not everyone is free of stress, unless you have Alzheimer or mentally retarded. 

Thus no point whining like an oinking pig in the farm.

You go on your life.

But don't ever say something offensive to postgraduate students. 

If you don't like the "you-very-very-free-I-very-very-stressed-lifestyle" I have, you can either f**k yourself or talk to the mirror. 

I bet you always look at the mirror and whingeing with it. 

So far as you see, it's all about your stress.

When I have stress, I don't go here and there, saying "Oh, I'm so stressed!",

"I earn this much but so pressure", 

"I hate working life" etc. 

F*** U bitch // manwhore!!!

There's your life choices. You decide you own path.

I'm not here to be your audience, listening to your pressure, while you seize the opportunity to abase my dignity. 

Somehow I'm a good person outside. I take in all your nonsense grumble and transform it into my motivation energy. I swear to live a better life than you, or at least be happier with my life. I rather enjoy my working life happily than spill all the "stress" words around the surrounding.

As usual, I take my high road, you can just go on your simply miserable super-duper-difficult life. 

Enjoy though. 

A Note for Myself

Everyone wants to do something crazy in their life, some to choose have goals, either a realistic or a fantasy. 

But those can't change the fact that we are motivated by these fuels, filled with desires and dreams. 

Everyone wants to be somebody in this world, regardless how large is the audience. 

Thus, I can safely say that I'm not the only dreamer who strive the hardest to survive in this cold pathetic world. 

As time goes by, I start to feel something. 

Or maybe I observed certain change that good enough to change my perception. 

That's what you get when you had your research topic changed over and over again. 

You start to feel petrified, at the same time, it somehow makes you wiser. 

It did though, to a certain extend, then you start to fret, and then questioning yourself about your life choices. 

The next thing is filled with doubts and uncertainty, who play side by side along your way. 

If I've not braced myself for this, 

I might be just fled and do something else which guarantees a constant and peaceful return. 

Instead, I choose to move on. 

Not to something else, but delve into the same path. Now while waiting for the countdown clock to go off, 

I just need to pray and work harder, I'm not into this for the sake of nothing. 

Achieving something is prioritised. 

Regardless it is not that all glorious, I shall find my own strength. 

With the support of my loved ones, I shall fight till the end.

Snap away the haters with my diva snap, I shall flaunt whatever I have.

Stay hungry, stay foolish~~~

Baffled~ Confused~

It had been a roller coaster ride for me since the beginning of 2016. Many things just happened while some of them left undone or unnoticed. Thus, first quarter of this highly anticipated year had just flown away. I will never take them back, even if I want it to. However, it left traces along the way. Traces that works like a mirror, reflecting everything upon staring at them.  

Frankly, I'm not OK. There's my inner battle cry. To conquer yourself, you need to know everything inside out. Till now, the route that I've embarked for the past six months had been miserably harsh. 

The way I see it, 

it might just out to be another endurance test, just to see how thirsty and how hungry you want all these things to work out. 

Or it might be a sign since the beginning of time, it is never meant to be incorporated into my life. 

So which side do I delve into? Should I go? Should I stay? That's my daily inner monologue. I'm combating with my heart and passion. If everything left undone, I'll be a quitter. I couldn't help myself but I have no idea what should I do at this point. The thoughts haunt me every single day, never failed to interrupt my average life. 

And of course, the haters. The one that will be there to see you fail and fall hard. Surrounded by them, it makes your life super difficult. Dealing with the ongoing nonsense and discouragement, I'm not sure how my life will work out though. The route seems annoyingly darker with their words. Though I never let them get to me, but once I let my guard down, the surging waves of emotions hit me like nobody business. Damn life.

Still at the end of the day, I'm glad that my potato is there for me. Potato is the best thing that exist in the world. It make my life better and I'm proud to be around with it. Unlike those haters, this starchy vegetable knows how to find a way to comfort me. Guess that's what I like the most about my life so far. 

Now back to the topic. Hmmm... I guess just go on with I my guts. No point sighing and crying out loud for haters. 

Another Fantasy~~

Waking up in the midst of the forest, while still having a little migraine, I looked around myself. Other than trees and bushes, I saw nothing. A sudden chill struck me like a lightning bolt. I heard some weird noise, from the raffling sounds of bushes. 

Someone, or maybe something is approaching. But I can't see anything. The daylight was barely able to penetrate through these thick and towering trees. Barely. Perhaps it's a little bird or deer, who tried to avoid me. Or maybe the worst case, a grizzly bear or starving tiger.

Gosh!! So much thing went on my mind. I must make up my mind right here right now. What should I do? Should I stay? Should I go? A few seconds passed on, the sounds were seriously clearer and louder, kinda making a grand entrance.

My legs were numb out of sudden. I closed my ears. Tried to stop my breathe. I looked around slowly, fearing something might appear and eat me up. 

"Grrrrrrr......" A loud growling is what I heard, even with my ears closed. Oh my god, it's gonna be a fierce wildlife behind me. I'm so dead right now. I couldn't turn my head around my back. I was completely terrified and horrified. Then I start to chant some prayer, which may probably work against the dark spirits, if they even exist. The thing just came closer and closer. Goodbye, world. I might just die today, without knowing what or who kill me.   

Somehow, I braced myself and turn around. The curiousity just set in, I really need to see what's behind me.  To my surprise, it is a familiar creature. My brain couldn't process that fast. Before I even light up a bulb inside my mind, that furry creature just charged on me. Oh wait, it's not eating me, instead it uses its tongue to lick my scars.

Now I remembered, it's my little Herdier. I was chasing it from the park to this forest. I quickly embraced my Herdier in my open arms. Everything went crystal clear slowly. I regained my consciousness.   Guess now it's time to look for a way out. Thanks to its super sharp sense of smell, we knew where we are heading. 

Yep, we are heading to the next gym for our first gym battle. 

And that's how the story goes on and on, in my fantasy, Pokemon Go adventure version .... 

Transition

A change can be good

but what kind of change is good

Does it matter how good it is?

or

Is it good if there is just a slight change?

Once we adapt to certain pattern

or fall into circular path

can we take a leap of faith

to be outside our comfy zone

As usual 

we just need to change 

but for the sake of what?

Are we really changing our long-built behaviour for something good?

Or we just want to feel good for no reason?

Or we just want to prove someone wrong or something right?

Currently

I try to change myself to be someone better

I'm not sure why is there a necessity for it

but it's just something that I wanted to do

I guess being someone better can't be bad

Probably I have to let myself out and loud

to be honest about myself

I want my real me to be out in the public

and that's me

and kinda proud that when there's a change

people tend to judge you

well

haters gonna haters

you can't move on to do great thing

if you stuck with someone so negative

you just need to go out

breath in the positive energy in the air

and change!!!

Inspired by

Tori Kelly

~Something Beautiful~

2016 Me !!!

While everyone was happily ushering the brand new 2016, there are some people who just don't really care. That way of treating a whole new year is like "Oh well, no me importa (in Spanish)".
I consider myself as not too sentimental, not too cold-hearted, just lie between these two extremes, and try to stand on the tipping point at the same time.

There are few things that I would like to change in 2016. That's kinda my personal goal. It's kinda struck me that I've lived for a quarter of century, with 90% of my life stuck in the books and activities. In the midst of the hectic 25 years, I started to develop my own traits, my way of living as well as my own network.

It's pretty imperative as at this age, plus the contemporary pace of the world, you gotta be able to define yourself. Though I admit that I'd struggled so much to find the true identity and my way of living, I'm proud that I've come so far despite what a remarkable and trilled the ride was.

I guess being more matured is one of the main thing that should be executed. I think this applied to most people around my age. I mean, being 25, not having a stable career, still a postgraduate student, I'm pretty lacking behind my peers. Being matured as in injecting yourself with more current issues, as well as the way you treat people.

Learning to take harsh criticisms is one of the main key that everyone should learn. It's always easier to say than do. Every human being has a dignity or an ego. It's like an unbreakable wall made up of glasses. Once the wall is destroyed and bring to the ground, it's just a naked you. And you need to do is to use your bare hands, pick up those shattered pieces, build the wall back. Meanwhile, you may have incorporate a better solution such as concrete wall. There you build a better wall, not to defend yourself, but to face a greater challenge. Once in awhile, let the door in the wall wide open, welcoming any comments and feedback.

Well there are still many things that can be done in this year. But I think a new year is like a milestone for me. That's where you can really judge and score yourself. Nothing's wrong with being a better person than you were in the past. It's all back to how you want yourself to be projected in front of people. You want to earn the respect, be a person with a strong foundation of faith and treat people nice and well.

Final Countdown to 2016

Wait? 8 days to 2016? Damn straight, b*tches!!!

I think 2015 is going to end in a very fun way. Despite all the bad things that went on this year, I still think that out of the darkness, lies the light of hope.  Every year when it came to this final countdown moment, people tend to be damn sentimental, and it usually highly associated with the regrets and lost.

As for me, this year is going to end with a fun way. (Yup, I said it twice, just to emphasise the fact) Well, being a postgraduate student means that you won't have a normal life. I mean, it's damn true. Postgraduate students are not entitled to long weekend or semester break. Thus, we are basically like a working adult, with less pay of course. But in the midst of poverty and boredom, some of us choose to break free from the cocoon of despair (sort of despair). Some of us teach tuition, sell crafts and so on. When you are a Maths major master student, there are no such thing as lab work, except MATLAB and C++. Thus, we are free to do what-so-ever that we like. That's how I spend my day, stuck in library or at my house. Then teach tuition at night. What a life~~

The other aspect of interesting fact is regarding the relationship part. After graduation, we tend to live close with our closest friends. I'm glad that I've met some of the nicest person in the world. Though there are little argument here and there, at the end of the day, we are still friends. Relationship wise..... (not gonna to mention anyway). It always been a mystery. Therefore, let's keep it as mystery to make myself more mysterious.

Do I have regret? Of course, I'm only human. Bur from what I learned in the past, there's almost no point of reminiscing those bad things as they will slowly corrode your mind and soul. Take it as a reminder or a warning for any future undertakings. When the time comes, you should be able to decide what to do. Life is about taking chances. I think I had braced myself for the downpour of calamities happened this year. Seriously, good job, David. (tap tap on my shoulder, I deserve it).

With the 2015 coming to an end, I just hope that it gets better next year. I will be braver than what I am now, face my deepest fear. As my late grandfather said, do it for the sake of yourself, not for others. Then there will be no regrets cause that's my decision, whether it's right or wrong, whether people like it or not. It's my f"cking life, you have no right to direct my play on the stage.

Of course let's talk about my top 10 favorite songs from this year.

Fight Song / Stand By You 

by Rachel Platten

Her renowned song Fight Song is a smash hit

the second song that follows up Stand By You

gives you an extra boost for confidence

and with the angelic voice

stood out among the pop songs 

Ex's & Oh's 

by Elle King

this uptempo rock song is definitely a catchy song

though its music video received bad comments

you can't deny how great her voice is

Should've Been Us 

by Tori Kelly

Damn, she's just one year younger

but her voice is really strong

still wondering how Simon let her go away in AI

I always dig those songstresses that sing live extremely well 

Next we have the Canadian duo that really stood out

Your Type 

by Carly Ray Jepsen

I think Carly and Tori are both super underrated singers

they can write a very nice song

sing with a mesmerizing voice

yet they are not that popular

I guess popularity somehow will consume the talent

I like the rawness that she and Tori have

Love Yourself 

by Justin Bieber

Surprisingly

JB really stunned me with his new album

being the only male in my top list

I super like inspirational songs like this

and when this song came out

I'm so glad that he redeem himself finally

of course thanks to Ed Sheeran who wrote a good song

The final spotlight are shine upon the UK stars

they are shining bright in their very own way

First three acts are the contestants from The X Factor UK:

Sax 

by Fleur East

Inspired by Uptown Funk

this song somehow manage to stand out 

Unfortunately

she didn't win the title

This sassy artist mentored by Simon himself really set a very high bar

I think she's way better than the winner from the same year

Secret Love Song / Secret Love Song Pt II 

by Little Mix

This all-girl group are super talented

being the first group to win the X Factor title

they really had come such a long way

Black Magic, Love Me Like You

then here comes my favorite sentimental songs from them

Do note that Jason Derulo duet with them in the first part 

I Do 

by Only The Young

they are one of the acts that stood out among the 11th series of The X Factor

their music is young, fun and catchy

Sadly they have been disbanded one month ago

somehow this song is awesome

Hold My Hand 

by Jess Glynne

Similar to Tori and Rachel

she really can sing

one of the great singer we have in our generation

She started to grab my attention when she sang Rather Be with the Clean Bandit

UK's really got talents

When We Were Young / All I Ask 

by Adele

We can't deny how good she is

I mean there are not much things have to be said

Adele just conquered the world by her voice

putting us in the greatest despair

singing the deepest sorrow from our heart

Well 2015 will come to an end. It is the final countdown.

Wish that the world is better for you and me in 2016. 

xoxo

Of the Hiatus and the Dream

Hell Yeah... I have been in my master programme for six weeks. Though there's only few works in progress, everything is still under control. Now that I'm getting closer to my dream, which used to be a vivid dream, I'm glad that every efforts that I have put in generate an awesome sow. Sigh, there are still many things to be done at the moment.

In the meantime, I really enjoy my life as a tuition teacher / tutor. Teaching Science to Form 4 and Form 5, plus Maths (M) and Maths (T), that's where the fun is. Having 2 of my favorite elements in the world, Mathematics and Education, it has been a blast being that position since n years ago. 

Right now the challenge is whether do I want to take it to the next phase. Teaching STPM level as well as tutoring first year students are sort of challenging. Somehow out of the fun and chaos, I manage to extract the opportunity which has been lying here all time long. That's another idea came to my mind, establishing an education center. It's just part and pieces of an idea, still need greater input and so on. It somehow spark up the entrepreneur spirit within me. I thought of that for awhile, then just put in down somewhere as a future reference, Someday, I might revisiting this scrap and turn it into pots of gold. 

People always says that life's too short. Sometimes when the opportunity knocks your doorstep, you will hesitate probably due to other distractions and factors. But the most important thing that you have to do is to embrace and cherish the people who loves you. And not forgetting those haters that make your life damn miserable.  (Damn straight, haters please) 

With less than 10 weeks to end the year of 2015, hopefully the dream starts to blossom into reality and everything turns out better in time, 

My current jam XD ~~~~

Jess Glynne

Don't Be So Hard On Yourself

An inspirational song that really works for me

I'm really into British singer

especially singer like her

Another pop British Group

Little Mix

Love Me Like You

the winner of The X Factor

super like the 80's vibe from this song

British pop sensation

Ellie Goulding

On My Mind

Her lead single from her latest album

sassy plus catchy

and of course her magnetizing voice

Sam Smith

singing Writing's On the Wall

for upcoming James Bond movie

little did I know that this male icon is younger than me by 1 year old

and now singing the theme song for a major movie franchise

damn he's too awesome

The Weather Girls

It's Raining Men 

from 1982

Just another addition of the new songs above

since it's raining everyday (almost)

why not raining men instead of water

The music video is so damn fun

  

Should've Been Us

Have you completely honest about yourself? Or stay true about your feeling? These sort of questions have been constantly playing in my head. And the fact is, I am scared to reveal the true form of myself, my last defense line of my inner feeling.

To be honest, it is fun having you around. The casual chats, the episode reviews and those funny pictures that we have been through, it might just strike you about how well that we could get along for a prolonged time. And I always wish that the moment could go on and on. I wish that we could be more than just friends.

The only worry is I'm not your cup of tea, not the type of guy that you wanna spend your rest of your life with. That's so much that I want to tell you, but the only fear is once I crossed the borderline, I'm sinking our friendship like the Titanic, i.e. no turning back.

I always wonder what we might achieve if our worlds collide. Despite the insane amount of busyness, I'm always looking forward for our next "date". It could just be a test drive for you, which I'm not really down with it. I'm a sucker of hopeless romance, even it is difficult to carry out that with the limits and boundaries.

Well, before I fall any deeper, I probably still wearing the same mask when facing my daily life. I want someone to hold my hand, love me till the end. But for time being. I think it's wise we maintain what we have, unless you give me a signal. I know it's worth waiting for someone like you.

If I was brave enough to write it here, I should've brave enough to tell you so. Life's too short for the long wait. Meanwhile, I could sing along with these two calm-my-emotion songs.

Tori Kelly

Should've Been us

Carly Ray Jepsen

Your Type

I Know Where I've Been

"You're so childish!" 

"You are not matured enough." 

"You don't look like the eldest child."

People misunderstand. People misjudge. People think they know it all.

In reality, it's probably a small piece of uttered word from their mouth. Then they will choose to disseminate their little piece of thoughts around, thus creating uproars among those busybodies. In the end, before you have the slight chance to clarify yourselves, you have fallen to the pit of guilt.

                                               

Just to make myself loud and clear, if you think you know me, then try to predict my next move. I can be predictable in some ways, but that's only because I fall into certain patterns that ordinary people like me would make. If the table turns, you probably do the same as well.




I know exactly what life that I'm living, and I don't really appreciate people like you to point out how I should behave at my current position. Being inconspicuous and ignorant will not bring me far in life. That's why I know what kind of hell that I've been living. Sorry that if you think the maturity level in me doesn't match your expectations, you should know how tormented and difficult it had been for over the past 2 decades.

I'll hold my tears back, use the pride in my heart, face the next phase of my life everyday. I may not been as successful as you want, but at least I am happy with it. And I do live my life very well.

Thanks for your concern for peeking through my insignificant life. Hopefully it did spiced up your life somehow. And deepest gratitude for investing energy to tell me about my maturity and hopelessness.

Apart again...

  "People grows apart. Deal with it." That's the quote that I've learned since secondary school. Regardless how close 2 individuals are, they will face the final music, the departure. It's an inevitable social norm, a way of life, a part of our growing process. Of course, if you are being optimistic, you guys are gonna meet someday and somehow. But what if it is forever, it's kinda sad to think about it. Anyway, we gotta deal with it in any means.

  It's crazy that I'm almost half way of my final semester of my degree life. A part of life that would not return as it is in future, So if we got it, flaunt it. Live our life like there's no tomorrow. The keynote here is to embrace what we have, given the countdown clock is ticking. We definitely need to see through and move on regardless what it costs. After all, it's worth it if we work towards it, and ain't no wasting any seconds on meaningless stuffs. 

The Truth (I Can't Change)

  People always says that the truth is ugly and dark. I'm totally agree with this statement. There is no reason to sugar-coat everything under the sun. The reality is always the one that is passing beyond our expectation. However, the perks of being an optimist is you can cleanse the bad feeling and reset your thoughts. It's some sort comforting and yet deep down inside we know we are lying to ourselves. Well, no one really care anyway.

  You might see someone as the perfect person (or almost perfect), but we never know the stuff that the person had gone through. I believe that the past built a man's inside out. The joys, the tears, the pains, the ups and downs that he/she endured had some sort constructed a person that you've seen today. Everyone has his/her own past or darker secret, that's the ugly truth though. No one is perfect.  

  After a long wind road, a man will return to the place where he feels safe. No matter how high you leap, or how hard you fall, the truth is everyone needs someone or someplace to turn to. Don't make reckless decisions as we might get hurt, think wisely in any situations. When it comes to the obstacles, set yourselves into ready mode for any consequences. Sometimes if we step back and try to overlook the whole thing, we might be surprised about how foolish and how naive we are in particular view. We can neither change the past nor our real form, cause that's the damn truth that we are facing. Deal with it !!!

Love Love Love

  Yesterday was the V Day. And of all days in a year, this date was chosen to be the imperative yet awkward day of the year. It could make you feel at two extreme polarized ends, namely the attached end and the unoccupied end. Resting at the unoccupied end for years, you started to feel like this day might be the worst day ever. (What a way to celebrate the lovely second month of the year.) You'll see pairs after pairs literally everywhere, whether in a fancy restaurant, at the cinema, or even in the streets. Little did you know how much these couples had gone through to make it this far, regardless it's their first time or annual ritual. 

  When these phenomena reflects on me, it could turn out to be either pathetic or simply ignorant. It's all depends on very own point of view, your intelligence and your maturity treatment of these scenarios. I categorized myself as an optimistic person, even I have my dark side which might somehow traumatized others for your rest of your life. Let's focus on the optimistic part. How does that make you feel when you see above stuffs? I was like, "Good for you, peeps!!" "Enjoy your Vday" or "That's so sweet" etc. But deep down, I am greatly praying and hoping the best for every pairs ever existed in this world, no matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I wish nothing but the best for you guys. (No sarcasm involved)

  Walking through pairs after pairs which happen everywhere, eating right beside lovey dovey in the restaurant, watching movie as well as side-show exhibited in the cinema, or even passing through left-hand-holding-right-hand attachment in the street, I'm totally cool. All this world is love, and love's totally in the air for this sacred day. 

Reality

  What kind of life can you have if you were a reality TV star? Imagine the chaos and mess that comes to you everyday. Put yourself in the shoes of Kim K, Kimora Lee, Nene, or any contestants from ANTM, your life would be probably damn exciting. Imagine endless drama and exciting things that keep happening in your life, you will be definitely so thrilled and excited to wake up every morning.

   Right now entering the second month of 2015, I felt like I've been going through an unproductive and inefficient January. (What a way to start a brand new year !!!) As a TV junkie, watching series after series, seasons after seasons, and time taken to wait for next episodes, that's make me cray cray all this time, especially the last month. I guess I've watched so much that it is on par with the amount of series I watched for 2014.

  I'm gonna kick start a new semester in less than 3 weeks time, I'm probably the most excited person in the world. But at the same time, I'm kinda worry about everything that goes on at the same time. I mean my study, final year project and other commitments as well.

  I wish that I have my own reality TV show, probably entitled 'The LOL-ed Life of David' or 'Everything about David' or whatsoever. Then people might get the chance to keep up with me, and I'll be surrounded by endless madness while doing my FYP. There will be dramas among the classmates or housemates, meeting up with bitchy-ier friends (lol), relationship issues, problems with the superiors, and of course, mommy issue as well. Wow, my life will be pretty busy as the cameras . will follow me around, even I'm in the bathroom or engage with a phone call.

  My oh my, what a life could that be? How do the reality TV stars do it, especially those that already entering the 10th season. Seriously? That's so ratchet.

  But back to reality, I'm still a student in his final semester of study. I oughta keep it strong, even my hope is gone, gotta move along. That's the reality for me. 

The Anticipation

  After weeks of coming back from the trip, I guess I'm still a little bit jet lag. Everything in hands including FYP, tuition classes and other commitments seems do not synchronized with my rapid pace. Some showed the sign of breaking apart, else just remained stationary. All this while, I am dreaming and  wandering about something far, far away. I called it, THE ANTICIPATION. 

  In 6 months time, I am gonna be a normal Asian guy with Mathematics degree back in his mind. The road to the future seems pretty bright, considering Mathematics can leads you to different parts of the world. You can work anywhere such as academics, banking, finance, manufacturing, management and many more. I guess the hardest part is to assimilate Maths with those industries. But anyway, I'ma venturing into academics line. This implies Master and PhD. Hopefully everything turns out well. 

  My tuition classes, probably nothing much to complain about. I have 6 classes per week. I'm taking F3 to F5 Science, F3 English and Maths, as well as F5 Add Maths. The challenge here is to conduct the class in bilingual settings. I mean thanks to our prominent education minister, it's been chaotic and messy in the education industry, the schools and the tuition centers. Kudos for them to make people in a hot mess, and the teachers have to bury up the mess under the carpet. (Pathetic life though !!)

  Remember those time when you meet someone that you like and you feel like you wanna hold their hands for the rest of your life. Well, this person has just arrived at this point of my life. As nothing ventured, nothing gained, I'm gonna take chances, risk my entire life to win this person's heart. That of course, if this person is interested. If else, nothing goes well. However, so far we've been chatting everyday and the content is pretty intense (with the gossips and anime). But as I said, the anticipation here is wow the heart, it's part of my 2015 plan though. (Awesome plan =P)

Current jam XDD

Love Me Like You Do 

by Ellie Goulding

who's excited about Fifty Shades of Grey (Me!!!)

yes, Ms Goulding is gonna be featured in 

one of the most anticipated movie of 2015

the song turned out to be a powerful ballad with catchy tune

love this song so so much

Bulletproof Picasso

by Train

Another great single produced by Train

honestly their music is so cool

and when comes to this song

the title itself makes you wanna to take a listen to the song

and I'm still figure out what the song is about

Heartbeat Song

by Kelly Clarkson

First thing first

who hates Kelly though

Her songs are usually so cool

that they are always the anthems 

this song from her latest album

is gonna makes you up, up, up all night long

Let the Anticipation Games begin XD

 

Haters

Sometimes people can be damn selfish

or simply hypocrite

hoping to get the best out of the water

and you get nothing but disappointment

At the end of the day

people will return to the ground

fortune, fame and gold

will not go down with us

What matters is how you have done to change the world

at least change people around you a bit

their perceptions

their behaviours

they are simply the display of our very own attitude

applying the sane theorem

if they are hypocrite

if reflect upon ourselves

probably we are not good enough for them

This scenario somehow disturbing and annoying

but you know what

Screw them

If we are so into bother about others' feeling

we should be a little bit selfish

put ourselves before others

(unless you are sweet talking with lovers)

but all in all

you can be anything you wanna be

don't really give a f*ck about what they think

some people will hate you

foe some stupid reasons

and some people will love you 

just the way you are

Embrace both parties will definitely make you a better person

or at least you are taking the high road

walking into the glorious path

never look back to the ingenious crowd

ignore their naive and outrageous

and breakaway

My 2014

I know it's been the third day of 2015

well

just wanna summarise my 2014 

it will be an eternal memory for me

Basically

Its been a massive roller coaster ride for me

There are so much ups and downs 

I'm so sensitive that

it kinda hits me 

as I'm thinking or talking about  

the graduation stuff

I mean in another 6 months

I'm done with my undergraduate life

for me 

"what's next" is a clear path

but for the rest

I'm not sure what or where do they heading

it's kinda creepy though

knowing that there are infinite possibilities in it

2014 also heralds me the true form of everybody else

probably due to the moody weather

(Hell ya!!! There's tornado in Pandamaran!!!)

I mean maybe it's too late to get along with someone else

but it's never too late to value the loved ones

I cherish everyone that help me along the way

and to the b's

Ah-Ah

not in my league

I've survived my internship in iMoney

It's a pretty awesome experience

meeting young and enthusiastic people

work along with them

it makes you strive further and harder to achieve your damn goals

though it's a short and sweet 9-week internship

the lessons learned: PRICELESS

Another achievement unlocked

I've completed all 3 levels of beginner Spanish

and I'm learning Japanese now

it's nice to learn languages 

out of those busyness and madness in Mathematics

in the end 

I still get the best of both worlds

so 

screw the haters (Whatever!!!)

In 2014, I watched lots of movies though

(every year also the same.. XD)

The Lego Movie | Pompeii | 300: Rise of An Empire | Captain America 2

Oculus | Godzilla | Edge of Tomorrow | Maleficent | X-Men

Hercules | Into the Storm | 100 Foot Journey | Boxtrolls

The Expendables 3 | Dracula Untold | Gone Girl

The Hunger Games | Pyramids | Night at the Musuem

and so many more... XDD

In the same universe

2014 probably has the weirdest combination of pop songs 

ranging from ihavenoideawhatthesongisabout songs

powerful ballads

diva songs

and the rest of the genres

Here's my Top 10 hits for 2014 

Chandelier by Sia

Let It Go by Idina Menzel

Happy by Pharrel Williams

All about the Bass by Meghan Trainor

Bang Bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Queen Nicki

Maps by Marron 5

Problem by Ariana Grande

Ghost by Ella Henderson

Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson

Masterpiece by Jessie J 

As mentioned above 2014 has been a wild ride for me

I'm always hope for a better year for this brand new year

and to the Bs

please be gentle

I miss the taste of sweeter life 

but

If they test me they sorry

Don't believe me just watch

The ghost of you that keeps me awake

however

we know that shit ain't real

you can take a break

I'm perfectly incomplete

The past is in the past

and I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist

and yes

hopefully

I got one less problem without you